Last week, there was turmoil. A family member had a very dramatic discovery of diabetes, followed closely with heart surgery and huge amounts of anxiety as we added new things daily. Rough week, but all is well — better than ever, in fact — just huge stress.
As a reward for getting through last week successfully, life has agreed to schedule my short story, The Heart’s Engine, for publication today.
You have to admire the Master Scheduler’s sense of what is appropriate timing; my story of a steampunk heart surgeon publishes right after Ma needed one.
Just sorting thoughts:
- A large chunk of my energy has, historically, gone into crisis management
- Without the need for crisis management, I have excess energy that leaves me feeling that I am not fully engaged (ennui is how it has presented)
- If I use the energy toward some positive thing, I may feel less ennui.
Sounds like I should be Continue reading “Crisis Vacuum Redux”
Things are, in the post-failure-to-quit era, evening out. I find that I am, each week, more stable, generally happier, and have moderately more energy for ordinary things.
There is, however, a faint ennui slipping in around the edges. Continue reading “Crisis Vacuum”
This is how anxiety works, when healthfully managed: the panic rises and there are knee-jerk reactions with more panic and the breaking tide of helplessness and fear and eventually despair tumbles over you and you drown in the dread-colored waters. If you are working on healthy ways through this Continue reading “Anxiety Penguins”
People telecommute and talk about working in their pajamas, hitting a bottle of bourbon throughout the workday, or Continue reading “Benefits”
Two hives of bees are now settling in and getting to know the neighborhood, down by the wood shop. I find that the prospect makes me pleased.
So, the headcount around here has gone from 2 humans, 4 cats, 24 chickens, and several dozen rabbits, and maybe 40,000 bees.
I’m vaguely surprised that I didn’t run screaming, a frame in each hand and bees trailing from me like buzzing smoke, crying the Eddie Izzard mating cry of “I’m covered in bees!”
Two weeks ago, I decided to quit and try to make a living in fewer hours.
That didn’t quite go as it could have. Continue reading “Stupid Horizon”
I just informally tendered my resignation, so that I can pursue freelance work along the lines of what I do currently.
- No managing other people
- No clean up except for my own messes
- Fewer hours
- I carry the risk
- I am terrified
There may have been a bit of weeping in the shower this morning. I hate break-ups.
I hate vague hints. But sometimes it’s all you can do, and you have to speak just to not burst.
There are Things in the works. Good, I hope, but certainly more risky than I am accustomed to taking on. Terrifying, to me, the no-risk boy, and my sleep is suffering for it. I’ve no question that it’s a good thing to do, though.
I should be able to Reveal All in a few weeks, perhaps sooner.
Any comments added to this post will not be published until after the decision-point.
Difficult week. Many folk, to one degree or another, needing me to Save The Day, or perhaps to Go Above and, you know, Beyond. I’ve been managing this, so far, without falling into the silly “I must sacrifice all” mindset, which makes me pleased.
Hard work, though.
I have one last thing that Heracles forgot to take care of before he went home for the weekend (damned slackard), and after that I have some space to breathe, to rest, maybe to play a bit.
And, y’know, get All The Things done, but still get to breathe, rest, and m. play.