I am puzzling. I am puzzling deeply, considering at length, I am carefully sifting thoughts and concerns, reactions and anticipations, and trying to find a course of action that is not damaging to me. Largely, I am failing, but there may be a course I may navigate through the relationship shoals.
I had intended to attend a party, and extended annual party, with Zelda. The party is entertaining in its own right, and I enjoy it, but, as an addition, I have opportunity to enjoy the company of several friends that I rarely see; some of these I see only at this party. I look forward to it for this reason. Unfortunately, Zelda is likely to engage in behaviors at this year’s party that I will find…difficult to endure, and unpleasant. I disrelish the notion of being forced by geography to witness her behaviors, which she feels are correct and proper. I doubt that I can simply walk away from these behaviors without effect. I suspect strongly…well, I don’t suspect. I believe that I will be brought to task by Zelda for all manner of imagined transgressions on my part, should I go.
The answer, it seems, is not to go. I will miss my friends, but it is, after all, only one party missed. The danger in this course of action is that I would seem to be empowering Zelda to determine my actions; if she behaves in certain ways, I will stay removed from certain occasions. This isn’t good, either.
I don’t have a ready answer. I am considering the possibility of not going to the party, but finding some time to join my friends outside of the party and socialize with them there. Or I could learn to become iron-hearted to a degree that the concerns of others is as nothing to me, and the storms and viscitudes visited on me by overwrought Zeldas would go unnoticed.
This might be asking more of myself than I can deliver. More thought is called for, clearly.