I have time to write. I have will to write. I do not have the coherency to write.

All the free time I have is in the evenings — after working, fighting back entropy in the house, feeding everyone, and collapsing in a heap on the love seat for two hours. That two hours is my window, and by the time I get to the window, my brain is insufficiently focused to write. Hell, sometimes I don’t have the focus to read.

The obvious answer is to go to bed for those two hours, rise in the morning, fresh, and write then. Which has me, then, working all day after until it’s time to fall into bed and sleep. No time with Bridgette, no time with Othello.

Gr. I don’t like my [apparent] choices.

I think I could get in about 30 minutes of writing in 5-15 minute bursts throughout the day, but I’ve found that doesn’t produce the best writing. In fact, it produces very nearly the worst. The only way I can do worse than that is to write when my brain is exhausted. Like after work.

Gr, some more.

I suspect the issue is that my workday frequently exhausts me. The stress here is over the top, and I am called upon to work miracles for other people’s work while staying up on my own. Perhaps if I can reduce my work-stress, I can leave here not-exhausted, and have some reserve for the evening.

So. What I think I need to do. Is figure out how to work a high-stress job where I am the sole person capable of a variety of things, all time-sensitive, on which other people’s performance depends, without being so stressed that I am depleted.

Some thought will be required, here, I think. Perhaps I can organize the miracles I’m needed to perform so that each one is not a virtuouso impromptu performance. That would take a lot of the stress out.


Crossposted from Epinepherine & Sophistry