South Beach: The Borders of Hell

Bridgette has decided to diet. She is sufficiently adverse to going to the gym that exercise is not sufficient for weight loss. Given the choice between overcoming her dislike of the gym and simple abstinence, she is choosing to abstain.

Her regimen is the South Beach diet; we know someone who dropped obscene amounts in a year’s time, and she is convincing. South Beach concentrates on fats and insulin. For the first two weeks, no bread, no potatoes, no sugary-thingies, no foods with sugar in them (like many salad dressings, e.g.), no fruit, no beer or wine. The theory is the fortnight without glucouse/fructose will require your body to rethink how it handles food. Insulin cycles change dramatically. Like that.

In fact, on day one, the lack of insulin cycling through the day was fairly remarkable. We have been going to bed still vital, which is nice.

But I’m going to kill the next person I see eating a cookie. Then I’ll eat his cookie.

I like my carbs. When I need to change weight, I exercise more. It seems to me that, if there is more energy being expended than taken in, there will be weight loss. My experience bears this out. I don’t need this diet, I don’t want this diet, I don’t like this diet.

And, truth, I don’t have to be on this diet. Bridgette isn’t requiring or even requesting this of me. I assessed her intent, and her plan, and the likelihood of success with several variables, and determined that she was likely to be successful if we were eating the same things, and likely to fail if we were eating differently. I put that thought to her, and she agreed with my judgement.

So, supportive and all like that. I went into this with the declaration that I would not be treating this as a lifetime commitment for me; I will be with her for the first month or so, then will begin to enjoy ice cream, chocolate, and beer again, about the time that she is nicely stabilized in her food habits.

I do get some things out of this: a slender wife, good-karma points, and an accelerated weight loss / weight redistribution from exercising at the same time.


If a wild doughnut came through the underbrush, I would fall upon it with gutteral snarls and rip its throat out with my teeth, glaze and sprinkles spraying warm and fragrant across my chin and chest.

[checks the underbrush hopefully]

Crossposted from Epinepherine & Sophistry