Scoreboard

Words: 2,046
Deer: 1 deer discouraged

The deer came to the garden early, and looked into the flashlight in that “I can stare out headlights” way that deer have. I shot her, and she jumped, ran a few steps, and stopped, confused. Nothing was there to eat her. So I shot her again. She jumped, ran, stopped. She was a bit far for my next shot, which hit the fence post behind her and startled her, and she took cover in the thicket on the drain field. Another three or four shots and she was tired of the air buzzing and occasionally stinging, and left.

19 thoughts on “Scoreboard”

      1. I’ve got about 50 of ’em left. They market larger balls that are easier to handle, but they’re glass and I’m not sure I want to be running those over with the mower.

        1. makes sense. nifty thing I found out, most slingshots can handle golf balls, if you have any lying around, and the ones labeled 4 fly really well. good for dogs or slamming large pests.

          1. I’m sticking with the metal balls, for now. They’ll move faster than larger shot, being smaller, and there’s that whole E=mv^2 thing; it’s better to be faster than bigger.

            …and if a deer has a nasty welt, I’m okay with that. I demonstrated to my satisfaction that, at range, the slingshot will not go through deer leather on the hoof.

            Frankly, I’m somewhat disappointed. When I first drew down on a deer, I considered for just a moment: “Do I want to look back and say, ‘I killed a deer’?” Then I fired.

          2. In fact, venison is yummy. That was not the only reason, however.

            I would have taken great pleasure in fertilizing the garden with deer blood, as a warning to surviving deer.

          3. My thought was that I would “…cut off [the deer’s] head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some [salads] come with too high a price. I’d look up at [its] lifeless eyes and wave like this. Can you and your associates arrange it for me, Mr. Morden?”

            Sadly, no shadows came forward to meet my wishes in this.

            There’s no need to fear coyotes, though; Chuck is quite pleasant to have around.

    1. Dunno. Did Dennis shoot at deer nekkid?

      Look, it’s not my fault the deer come ’round late in the evening. I really don’t spend most of my time dishabile, dancing after deer.

      I think those damned things are voyeurs, and are just trying to get a glance.

      1. …and they keep coming back cause you give them a great show!

        …we will also see if on top of voyeurism you can add masochistic… some like a good sting on the rump too 😀

        I can just imagine it…
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~imagines~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        Out from the cabin our hero strides valiantly , wearing nothing but the moonlight upon his bare skin. In his hands is the glorious weapon of David. His Goliath, a white-eyed deer, munched quietly on some cabbage. The deer looked up, into our hero’s eyes. They stared at each other for many moments, both knowing the eternal struggle of man and beast was to begin anew this night…
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        *giggles*

        I can’t help it. I like in suburbia. I have all my life. The very idea of going outside, even in the back yard, while not wearing any clothing is… foreign.

        1. That entire imagined scene just rang with the tone of soft-core porn.
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~re-imagines~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
          Out from the cabin our hero strides…his hands on his glorious weapon….
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          No. Just … no.

          1. *stares*

            well… you ARE naked 😛

            but unless you plan on humping the deer…
            I doubt there would be any ‘porn’ aspects to it. 😀

            I’m sweet and innocent… remember? 😛

    1. V. Cool.

      Post me back in re: ugly list. Doesn’t have to be comprehensive, just want to see your thoughts begin to churn, and have some idea of what I need to do.

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