Sea Level

My base assumptions are:

I can resolve any internal problem with reasoning and applied will. If, for instance, I exhibit OCD trends, I expect that iron will and close attention can overcome it. I do not assume this for anyone else.

The basic conditions of my life are wonderful. Every last one of my loved ones has the opportunity and support they need, and each of them behaves with affection, acceptance, and support toward me. Some of them behave so wonderfully toward me that I am in constant astonishment. I am beloved far beyond what I believe my worth to be.

I have truly amazing opportunities that were basically handed to me. I live on 10 acres that I may treat as I wish, a house that I may remake to suit me, I have, ferchrissake, an agent willing to look at my manuscript when it’s written (Aberdeen, have I thanked you for that today? Thank you.), a chore that I (in theory) love.

I’m good, frequently very good, at what I decide to do.

So. I’m feeling badly for me, but the fact is that my life is wonderful. I am not looking at my life and leaking tears that I have to live such an ugly thing to its dreary end.

That does not keep me from self-pity, but there you are.

So. We return to self-vivesection, already in progress.

14 thoughts on “Sea Level”

  1. even those who have the best lives, still have some .. self issues hun. “poor lil rich girl” comes to mind. On the surface everything’s fine(she has a wonderful family and warm home), but beneath, she’s lost, alone and scared. Do people really like her for her? or because she can and does buy them things. >..? You get the idea. I had no idea what your home life is, but I think you’re an interesting person anyway. I love your stories and I like that you have that quick wit. šŸ™‚ I don’t know what to say to help you, or if you’re even asking for help. Maybe you’re just explaining why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. And maybe you’re just trying to reason it out.

    I had an epiphany last night. I was talking to my daughter about ‘her issues with a boy’ and .. I realized I truly did not have a viable solution for her. I said to her, that I didn’t, but that I could just sit and listen, and she said.. that’s all I really need mom.. for you to listen. So, I did. Same goes for this. I don’t have an answer, but I will listen if you need to talk.


        1. Why, thank you, lady! And I can’t help it: he inspires sweet thoughtfulness…

          Hey, isn’t it about time we friended each other, by the way? We have a whole big buncha stuff (and people) in common, and keep having these wee “Wow, you’re so right!” convos via lj…

          1. it’s funny you mention that. I was just thinking the other day, but didn’t wanna seem all forward or anything… Friend away, I’ll do the same… oh and I know I said it before but…. ICON LOVE <3<3<3<3

          2. Similarly, I’m sure – and yes, we have talked about it before, I reckon.

            Good old bad_sex, eh? Brings all sorts together…

            Weirdest one so far? I friended a guy from there that I don’t know irl. one of his non-irl friends turns out to be my housemate’s brother, who now lives in America. Weird, see?

          3. lol no kidding.. weird.. yes. :)… Oh, I unsub’d from bad_sex.. :(… too many drama queens (yet I’m the biggest one.. lol).. yeah! anyway.. I was trying to think of who I’ve met that might be closely related in that way..probably triskeles, she’s a very good friend whom I met through another friend, but we think we knew each other in passing before, but can’t remember from where..

          4. made friends with (dunno why, have never asked, come to think of it) online.

            turns out to be my housemate R’s brother, way over in Americaland. We didn’t know he had an LJ account; he didn’t know anyone in his family was connected with LJ in any way.


            bad_sex I take with a pinch of salt – there are some great writers on there ( being a major one, which always makes for entertaining reading, if nothing else. But some of them? Please… “oooh, he had a tiny penis and didn’t give me the kind of sex I expected him to psychically know I like – arsehole. I threw up all over him and told all his friends that he sucks. Yeah, I rule…”

            Yeah, okay, whatever.

          5. *smiles* It’s cool when we discover how small the world really is.. (I know it sounds so.. cliche`)…I left bad_sex because I didn’t and still don’t handle being attacked for my weight issue very well. But that’s another story. Anyway.. Yes, I agree. I love mnarra’s stories. He is an awesome writer. and I’m very worried about him.. He always seems to know exactly what to write to create the effect he wants. šŸ™‚ Very talented man.

          6. :ducking out of a maelstrom of work:

            There is no need to worry. General rule is, if I’m talking & analyzing (both), then I’ll get where I need to be. I’m fairly incredible at self-correcting, as long as I can talk and hear myself think.

            Thank you both. Very much.

    1. One of the constants of the universe, both directions. I wish you’d punched the clod in the hallway, however inappropriate it would have been.

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