Adolescent Wisdom

I’m spending the morning in the Creature Coffee, writing a bit, sipping a bit, lolling a bit, waiting for Bridgette to get out of the greenhouse and come get me. There are a slew of late-teen boys playing Halo and sharing their knowledge of the inner workings of the universe.

“Dude, girls are easy to deal with. You just control what they think, and they’ll do anything you want.”

“Oh, yeah? [considers] Yeah, sure, that’s right.”

“You just control the ball of energy where they are, and they’ll think whatever you want them to.”

“Dude, that’s not –”

“No, really. It’s like…you control your emotions, and you control yourself. Girls are slaves to their emotions. You always hear them saying they did something because they felt bitchy or whatever. Slaves, dude.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“So you just control what they think, and that changes what they feel. Anything you want.”

[nodding all around, satisfied and pleased they are outies, not innies]

I did not laugh. I did not grin, even. I did not suggest that emotions that are locked down are emotions that are controlling you without your being aware of it. I, especially, did not put in a challenge for any of them to go a week without wanking.

“Slaves to emotion.” Hah! Boys are more basic than that. Slaves to hydraulics. Wake, up outies, your seminal vesicles are calling you. I was sorry that no nubile maids came through. The conversation would have been:

“…control your emotions, and you control…[door opens, slim girl walks in]…oooh, pretty….”

6 thoughts on “Adolescent Wisdom”

  1. just more proof that women have us exactly where they want us. they really dont mind when we think we are in controll, then its easyer to controll us. Silly boys, girls are our slaves? no, silly boys, girls are our masters.

    oooooh pretty.

    I still stand by my advanced, researched and thuroughly thought out philosophy on women.

    Soft, Smell nice.

    1. Soft, Smell nice.

      Your basic research is sound. On the subject of slave/master issues, I have not noted a pattern that holds true. It seems to go in any-old-direction, at the behest of what Jeeves referred to as “the psychology of the individual.”

      All wisdom comes from Wodehouse, just as all humor comes from the alimentary canal and reproductive system.

  2. Kids being that shockingly cynical really depresses me.

    I’d at least hope they’d wait until their mid-twenties and their idiocy gets them smacked down in bars and clubs.

    Oy. >_<

    1. “I’d at least hope they’d wait until their mid-twenties and their idiocy gets them smacked down in bars and clubs.”

      amen to this. although not enough of them are receiving it…

  3. hahahahah wanking.

    i’m proud of you, i would have been just shaking with anger. but you’re right–and it’s sad–there’s nothing you can do but hope they learn their lessons eventually. oy.

    1. It is sort of sad…but, mostly, it’s funny. Down the road a bit there will be the spiritual sister of my wife, dressed in shockingly revealing clothing and thigh-high bitch boots who will play this boy like a toy piano — simple music, but easy to play and, in the end, not terribly interesting and disposed of quickly.

      The sad part, of course, is that he doesn’t even seem to realize that he is acting like a predator instead of an equal. That part isn’t funny at all.

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