Item: Chatting online or on the phone is either conducive to or a mild form of trance.
Item: I am good at entering trance.
Item: Literary images have huge impact for me.
Here’s what happened, ten days ago.
I entered a chat room. I shan’t use actual websites or actual online nicknames, here. We’ll say I went to a chat room called “hypnosucker”, where I hoped to talk with people about hypnosis, watch them talk about hypnosis, and get more of a clue about what I’m getting into.
In hypnosucker, I met two people, Schill and Predator. Predator was pretty quiet, but Schill was fun to play with. He and I passed some time talking about nothing much, being pleasant and witty at each other. Guest431 entered the room. Guest431 left the room. Guest 431 entered the room. Guest 431 left the room.
ossian: People do come and go quickly here ( a misquote from Alice in Wonderland )
Schill: Makes you wonder, if you could just be in the right place when they’re going in and out….
ossian: You’d have to eat some of the right mushroom to adjust your height, or it could be painful. Aim is important.
And we went on a bit, scandalizing Carroll for a couple more lines. Suddenly Predator started talking.
Predator: Come quickly. Maybe they are late.
Predator: Tick tock tick dates can’t wait ticks can’t stick
Schill: WTF?
Predator: tock tick ossian knows what I’m tocking about, don’t you ossian?
Predator: Hurrying so fast to not fall behind just to stay in place can’t stop to tock
And more like that, just nonsequitering herself for lines and lines…
…and I did know just what she was tocking about….
…and felt a familiar feeling of disorientation….
…I remember thinking “well, you bitch” and then wasn’t thinking much at all as the disorientation stopped, but the disassociation increased, and Lewis Carroll’s true prophet, Predator, guided me right down a rabbit hole. I saw the tea party come and go as I fell. Then I don’t really remember much. At the same time, I was utterly sure that I wasn’t very far gone, never went very under…but can’t remember what happened.
I remember coming back. I remember Predator telling me that I would be entirely comfortable or content or something or another…I think.
When I was back, I was enthusiastic. That. That was an amazing display of judging your target, finding perfect timing, choosing the perfect approach, and then a consummate bit of performance art, drawing from Alice on the fly to tumble my mind. Amazing.
I was also astonished that this could happen without my active agreement. That is, I know I agreed tacitly or I wouldn’t have gone, but I hadn’t offered myself up as a subject, hadn’t talked about hypnotism at all, wasn’t flirting…I was blindsided and taken down and that was that.
So why was I so comfortable with this?
I wasn’t troubled at all over the incident. I wasn’t concerned that it might happen again. I even went back to that chat room, where Predator was displeased with me for reasons I still don’t know, but suspect that I didn’t approach her in correct Domme-sub format. After that, I still wanted to go back and chat some more.
Why was I so comfortable with this?
Had I just discovered a new kink, with such power in my psyche that I needed a fix, no matter the cost? Then why wasn’t I exercising that elsewhere on the web? And —
–why was I so comfortable with this?
I approached a perfectly wonderful person known to the WWW as Lady Julia, a hypnoDomme who truly is a Lady. I hadn’t played with any of her files, but liked her group for the communications. She is very pleasant, very gentle, very dedicated to the notion that even a Domme/sub relationship is a relationship first, and loving relationships should act like loving relationships regardless of flavor. So I explained my experience, and asked her if she knew or knew of Predator, and was I chasing after someone toxic?
She didn’t answer directly. Instead she asked me, “If I told you I’d just met someone in a bar, and was thinking about taking him home to sleep with, wouldn’t you tell me that I was moving a bit fast? That I didn’t know him that well? That I might be endangering myself?”
And, for the next hour, I was treated to the clicks and rumbles of my brain starting to fire up again. My critical faculty, a very overused part of my brain, was utterly off-line for nearly two days.
Let’s take the barroom analogy again. If I met someone in a bar, and, without previous interaction, they ran their hands under my clothing and probed intimate parts of me, even if it felt good…do I really want to associate with this person, let alone offer greater intimacies?
How does that fit in with being married, and keeping my marriage non-toxic?
Now, I don’t know that Predator suggested anything to me. But I do know that Predator runs a hypnotic-Domination website, at heavy rates. She doesn’t ask for customers. She asks for slaves to pay tribute. I might have been the victim of a heavy-handed marketing technique, I might just be weak-willed for this sort of thing and she was coincidentally in the business, or I might simply be a freak that needs to be abused by strangers.
I will say that, ten days later, I want nothing to do with Predator again. I don’t want to be taken down by another stranger. I’ve taken steps to recognize it in the future, to recognize when it has already happened, and only chat with Shannon babysitting me (I nod a lot, vacantly, when receiving suggestions, so it should be fairly obvious).
Wow. Very disturbing and potentially dangerous. I’m glad your Critical Faculty returned from the teachers lounge in time. And that you found someone who seems to have the wisdom to advise, and restraint to mstch.
Yes, Lady Julia is most certainly a mensch.
I suspect that I suffered from a combination of skepticism and chutzpah; “I don’t believe that that could happen…and certainly not to a mind a enormously strong as mine.”
I’m lucky I’m not cross-dressing, giving blowjobs to truckers for $5 a pop, and sending the money to Predator.
You wrote:
” I might have been the victim of a heavy-handed marketing technique, I might just be weak-willed for this sort of thing and she was coincidentally in the business, or I might simply be a freak that needs to be abused by strangers.”
I think the middle one, but maybe a bit of the latter, from some of our conversations when you were with your previous wife.
I wish you had the text of what she wrote, as I want to read it. Do you subvocalize when you read text? I’m wondering if that trick would work if you didn’t.
I also think that you admire that sort of behaviour, at least partly, and were maybe more prone to being suckered by it because of the admiration. Hence, what you said above. I wonder if you were easily influenced by your deliberate explorations into trance states, recently.
I feel like she was trespassing on my property. Odd. And now that I’ve typed that, the feeling is becoming stronger.
“…the middle one,” Could be, but I’ll never know. She may have been utterly harmless, just a little bit over-enthusiastic about fresh meat, so I’m doing my best to not take offense…and, as you note, the issue might be my mind being as strong as Don Knotts’ jaw.
“wish you had the text” Me too, if only to admire the artistry of it. I tried to find a way to dig it out of temp files and so forth; no dice.
“admire the behavior” Well, yes and no.
Like this. We all believe that everyone is “broken or stupid or just like me.” When she kicked my mind into a cocked hat, part of me was probably utterly tickled by the duplicity of it all. The part that should have been concerned over the behavior likely wasn’t…because if I was doing it, I would have been very, very careful with my victim. Noblesse oblige, and like that. It’s fun to play with people’s minds, but it isn’t nice to hurt them in the process.
So, since she wasn’t obviously broken, very obviously wasn’t stupid, she must be just like me; benignly duplicitous, a trustworthy liar.
I don’t subvocalize, to my knowledge, but I do hear the words in my head sometimes.
You wrote:
“Like this. We all believe that everyone is “broken or stupid or just like me.” When she kicked my mind into a cocked hat, part of me was probably utterly tickled by the duplicity of it all. The part that should have been concerned over the behavior likely wasn’t…because if I was doing it, I would have been very, very careful with my victim. Noblesse oblige, and like that. It’s fun to play with people’s minds, but it isn’t nice to hurt them in the process.”
Fine. I still think at least to some extent that you admire the skill and the willingness to use it, despite the percieved lack of noblesse oblige. I also think part 3 plays more of a role than you’ve said. I don’t know “Why?”
…no comment on the rest, since you have obvious arguments on your side. 🙂
Love you, take care of yourself! …is Predator really what she calls herself?
Predator is not what she calls herself. It is entirely possible that she was acting in a way that is appropriate to her station and social class; I don’t wish to impugn the theoretical honor of another just because she acted in a way that I find inappropriate.
Part 3, by the way, has been in remission ever since I stopped acting like other people abusing me was acceptable behavior. I believe, now, that it was a manifestation of self-punishment.