Pick A Number

Michael has gotten to that point in his development, that ugly, ugly point, where he believes that stout denial of reality will change reality. I am known, on occasion, to point out his errors in thinking. When I do so, I am the happy recipient of eye rolls and exasperated sighs.

This morning was a morning with just those behaviors. Morning is not my favorite time when the rest of the family is awake; other people’s morning behaviors are somewhat abrasive. The situation was this: Michael is going into town to hunt for work. In preparation for that, he dressed in his Cthulu “Buy your soul for a cookie” t-shirt and a pair of jeans with softball-sized holes at each hip, displaying his lack of underclothing. “That,” I noted, “is not appropriate wear for job-searching.”

Eye roll. Exasperated sigh. Spine contortions created the semaphoric message “You are not merely wrong, you are an ass and your ass-ness is a tremendous burden to all right-thinking people, of which class I am the only extant member. I will accede to your wishes because it is preferable to listening to more of your drivel.” Not bad for a single set of undulating postures.

“What? Tell me I’m wrong.”

“All I’m doing today is dropping off applications and –”

“Fine. Do what you feel. Let’s go.”

And, still clothed in tear-away fashion chic, he did. I considered the full lecture, and decided not. He’s heard it several times, clearly disagrees with it, and, frankly, this isn’t my problem. I have a parental compulsion to be heard, but suppressed it. It would be much easier, I thought, if we just had a binder with the lectures and I could cast a baleful eye his way and declare, “Number 12”.


I like it. I’m going to do it, and keep it updated.

So. Number 12 in the book of Things That Dad Was Right About, And That I Looked Like An Ass For Dismissing:

While it isn’t reasonable, and it isn’t fair, the world will judge you by how you look every single minute of your life. Just because you aren’t officially in a job interview, meeting with the parents, or application process for public office doesn’t mean that your aspect and demeanor will not be observed, noted, and held against you.

And, Number 1:

Pretending that the way the world is won’t affect you if you deny it insistently enough is embarrassingly childish and short-sighted.

6 thoughts on “Pick A Number”

  1. I’ll buy a copy. Hell, I’ll be your UK distributor.

    Three years ago (give or take a few months), I started doing teaching work. And, within weeks, found myself saying things my dad told me and I went “yeah, right, whatever…”

    He’ll learn. But the book would rock.

    1. In fact, I think I may be serious. It’ll be fun to have the binder, and it will be even more fun if it turns out to be publishable later.

  2. I can easily see it. It’ll be sold on the shelf with All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, and Ten Great Things I Learned from My Cat. I’ll buy a copy, but only because I enjoy reading the author’s work.

    1. Exactly; no redeeming merit beyond “oh, that’s cute” and the fact that it was on the remaindered table.

  3. And. Also. Wings did this. And some other TV show I can’t remember just at this moment. Joe had numbered lectures for Brian. In one episode, they had to add a new lecture.

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