The next pay raise

Today the Pres called me in with he and the HR director. I was given my new job description:

Train use of proprietary software
Design, implement, and maintain communications database that will interface with existing software
Design, implement, and maintain marquis closed circuit television onsite
Implement remote webcams at up to ten different locations
Make webcams viewable over webpage for clients
Take over web page administration
Create Crystal reports for existing database(s)
Rework existing webpages, adding interactive features & remote database access via web
Take over administration of the inhouse and cel phone networks
Write the newsletter
And duties as assigned.

The raise they are offering for this: $0


I wriggled and bounced. “This job is going to be FUN,” I announced. “And, you should know, that we are going to need to talk about salary and increases once we figure out the full scope of work you’ve outlined.”

Nonplussed, while technically accurate, would be understating the president’s look.

So, my darlings, what does someone with a job description like that above ask for starting? There are 30 computers to administer, 100 cel phones, the databases are all SQL-friendly, the network is Windows.

Crossposted from Epinepherine & Sophistry