Crisis Vacuum

Things are, in the post-failure-to-quit era, evening out.  I find that I am, each week, more stable, generally happier, and have moderately more energy for ordinary things.

There is, however, a faint ennui slipping in around the edges.  Nothing huge, just a general disinclination to do a damned thing that I am supposed to.  Happily, I have very clear lists of tasks to perform.  That appears to be keeping me on track…but, still, a faint voice whispers “what’s the point?”

I think, but cannot prove, that I have avoided that whisper all this time by running from crisis to crisis, saving the world one victim at a time.  When someone is drowning in front of you, you really don’t need to stop and consider if you really want to go for a swim.  You just dive and go.

Part of me misses all of those people counting on me for deliverance from their own (usually self-imposed) catastrophes.  I will say that, without them, my life is quieter.  Without them, my life is mine.

So, that’s good.

I still sort of miss them.  I won’t have them back, though.