Last night Cinderella & Charming met us in town, and we all went to Osaka, a local Japanese restaurant of the Big Knife & Fire variety. Kim, our chef, was funny and pleasant, engaged everyone in his performance, and we all ate until we wobbled in place on our well-rounded lower ends. And still took home some of the best leftovers in the world. Mmmm. The occasion? Cinderella too WR121 once and passed it, and I promised dinner out for such a feat.

Although, how she could learn everything in just one iteration of WR121 is beyond me. She must have missed something.

This morning started with a box of Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries, supplied by the daughter, after the longest night of sleep I’ve had in weeks. Mmmm, again. I don’t understand just what my thing is for CC w/ CBs, but there is one. I’m not certain I approve of all these new-fangled colors, but they still taste like malt and chemical strawberries, so I’m happy.

Ah. I neglected to say how this is all going to be accomplished. I am not relying on Zelda to be interested in any of these plans, nor am I relying on a newly-awakened 16-year-old to stand up to his mother.

Regardless of how the decision goes (and I’m near-certain, for all the reasons kirbyk detailed, that it will be Cinderella) I will be confronting Zelda with a arbitrator, mediator, or lawyer — depending on the level needed to engage productive talks — and hashing out new custodianship. With the witnessed drug use by Methhead, the documented police visits, and nebulous threats by me, I believe that I can get her to the table to discuss the least offensive solution. Barring that … and I expect things to go like this … I will resort to a lawyer and a court battle, which is being financed for me.

I hope that things will not go to court. I will win there; the drugs and police visits give me all the leverage I need. My intention is to settle on an agreement that does not fiscally rape Zelda, much less than the court would award. But, if she insists on court, I will work on her crucifiction. The time to try to have a nice relationship with Zelda is long past, and I have no interest in even entertaining the notion that one could be rebuilt.

Every discussion will be witnessed. I will rebuff phone calls and not answer e-mails. I will not trust her given word without witnessed papers signed by both of us. And then I will support Othello’s decision, as custodial parent. And we’ll see how things go.

This plan has less concern for feelings and personal issues than any I’ve ever concocted. It is all practical ruthlessness and forced positions.

–I just wish I knew what direction.

Last night we applied ourselves to the list again, noting the good points of each possible option. Emancipation was declared improbable. Methhead leaving was declared not an option, as there are no choices Othello can make that will cause that. Living with the clan was declared an unlikely option, for a whole variety of reasons.

Which left living with Cinderella, on her couch, or with me.

Let’s read that from Othello’s viewpoint: Which left staying with his friends, his sweetie, and his chosen lifestyle, or moving into the Outback with people he thinks well of, enjoys being with … but aren’t his friends & sweetie.

OTOH, moving in with Cinderella leaves him very close to the war zone. Of course, being here may produce extreme separation from everyone.

And back. And forth. And again. I ached, feeling him oscillate. I wouldn’t make the decision for him; one of the things he needs is to be the person deciding his life. That is, in fact, the most harmful thing that Zelda has applied to him, disenfranchising him and inducing a state of enforced helplessness.

I told him all of the things I would be doing. If he stays with Methhead, I will decide all issues as I see fit, no more consultation. If he stays at the Clan’s, I will sabotage it until it changes; I don’t think it is a healthy place for anyone to grow in. If he is emancipated or lives with Cinderella I will permit but not support it. In either case, I will be watching things like a hawk, and any dip in his grades, grooming, health, or responsibility will have him jerked away in a moment. If he’s living with Cinderella, any dip in her grades (did I mention she’s on the Dean’s list again this year?) will have him jerked away. Moving back in with Methhead will get him jerked down here for good. No bouncing in living spaces; the goal is to get a stable, productive environment, not to bounce and jerk from lifestyle to lifestyle.

In other words, he can decide how he likes, but had better stay tightly on track if he chooses what I consider less-well-advised options. Not threats, just position statements.

He still feels that Methhead could be given more chances … he thinks five failures to stay clean would be about right. I vetoed; three drug episodes in the house in ten months, half a dozen visits from the police, violent threats … he’s had more than I’m happy with, already.

So. Othello is reconciled that he must decide. He is mostly convinced that it is Cinderella or Dad. And he’s kidding himself that living on a couch in a one-bedroom apartment with his older sister in a position of authority is workable … leaving out entirely that she will be a newlywed in ten months, and he will be that much more an imposition.

I admonished him to think, not only of what he wants, but what his choice will do to others around him, and, AND what is likely to actually work.

He wants so badly for all of this to go away, and for everything to be what it was, I am convinced that he will choose to live with his sister. That will last for a couple months, and then he’ll have to uproot again when things start to fall apart. My teeth are exhausted from gnashing.

Grph.

Well, this is my own fault for deciding to push him into the decision making process, empowering him with deciding his own issues (based on his success in taking command of his life) and then following through. I mean, plus points for trustworthiness and all, and for emotional space, but minus several million for getting him through to where he’ll be happy & healthy.

…

…well…maybe “minus several million for getting me what I think is best, and what I want.”

Bleah.

Ed has been vastly entertained by this last week. He finds the concept of a Objective Mnarra to be hilariously incongruous. [snarl] Glad I could spread mirth.

I told Othello he had until next Friday, and better if he gave me more lead-time, since I’ll be needing an arbitrator of some sort before I speak with Zelda. Probably after Orycon, although the Friday of would be best, logistically.

We’ve been using home-cut oak and manzanita for firewood. And generally getting used to being chilled and smoke-choked. I did a bit of research, and discovered that both these woods take a long time to dry, compared to other woods.

–which cuts the BTU’s
–which creates more smoke
–which requires more wood
–which doesn’t burn well
–and burns out quickly
–while producing much creosote

Oh. Well.

I found two vendors; one with poplar at $80/cord and one with pine & madrone at $180/cord. I ordered three cords, and we got the poplar last night.

Geek notes:
Wood BTU output Output per dollar
Poplar 17.26 million BTU/cord 215 kBTU/$1
madrone 24 million BTU/cord 133 kBTU/$1
wet oak Diddly-squat BTU/cord Free

The poplar warmed the house tank-top warm with three pieces of wood in 45 minutes.

Wow.

I split a cord of wood last night, Othello stacked a cord of wood last night, and I’m really looking forward to the madrone. Warm! Yay!

More progress. We have a lot of “why this option sucks” notes on the board. Tonight we will start the “why this option is cool” list.

I pointed out to Othello that this wasn’t a scoreboard or flowchart, where an ending numerical value would dictate the appropriate course and there is no decision made beyond accepting the outcome. Rather, this was a thinking aid, to help outline the good and bad of all the options, and to help clarify what the choices are and why they are being made. Othello is good with that, and told me it is working remarkably well in clarifying his thinking.

I said, “good.”

I didn’t ask, he didn’t offer. Dunno what the thoughts are right now.

Set in the non-Othello format:

---

We three, Bridgette, Othello, and I, spent most of last night making lists and trimming them.

I have asked Othello to share a goal with me; to remove him from living with the meth fiend voluntarily, since, that being the nature of meth fiends, his home life will eventually deteriorate until he is removed forcibly, and with fewer options. The notion we are working with is that, if he decides what to do now when his options are open, he is more likely to be living in a way that pleases him.

So that’s the goal: Remove Othello & Methhead from the same domicile.

We made a list of what Othello wanted in his life, from people, family, and opportunities right down to high-speed internet and TV. We made a list of all the options we could think of, from the Good Fairy taking Methhead away to Homelessness. Then we matched Wants with Options. About a third of the list was culled.

Then we stared at the remaining options for a while, and began to write points that were poor about each one. Any number of failings is permitted on the list, and nebulous touchy-feelie things get to go there, too, like, “I don’t like the color of the carpet there.” No, that wasn’t one. Yet.

Around midnight we knocked off, positing that there would be other failings, and, perhaps, more culling would become obvious. The goal is to trim the options down to just those that give Othello most of what he wants in his life (we’ve done that), and then find ways to decide which option is most enjoyable/bearable. Then, I think, we’ll discuss practicality of the options, chosen and not, and he can decide whether a practical, non-optimal option is the better choice than the one with all the good bits and fewest of the bad ones.

I am utterly exhausted. It is amazingly brutal on me to present these things without trying to manipulate the choices. I’m not very good at it, and want very much to go into my natural spin-doctoring tendancies. It would be for the greater good….

Horsepucky. I decided some time ago that, in the end, what Othello most needed that I could supply was someone he could trust. Telling him he can make a decision and then taking it away from him doesn’t work towards that.

Which is not to say that I have promised to be bound by his decision. Some of the bad points in the options will be things like, “Dad will sabotage this.” It’s okay, between Othello and I, to be opposed, but not to sneak about it. I’m good with that, and at that, but, dear gawd, I want so much out of this that holding back is … ah, hell, diction is hard. Someone find a simile and throw it in at the end of that sentence.

I did tell him that I would not be dealing with Zelda without a referee, ever again. If he has a reaction, he did not choose to share it at that time.