My mother is married to a nuclear physicist, retired. He’s bodily healthy, vigorous, active, but he’s forgetting things. Many things. There are indications that he’s been having teeny-tiny strokes, so small they go unnoticed. His brain, in short, is shorting out. He has problems processing spoken words, and larger problems remembering things. It is, superficially, very like Alzheimer’s. They are seeing neurologists, and have gotten some drugs that help limit future strokes. And some drugs to help with the processing/memory issues. The good news is, the drugs work, and work well. The difference between the Doctor on drugs and not is dramatic, and the drugs have no ill effects (which is new to my experience).

The problem is that, having been, emotionally and physically ubermensch all his life, he doesn’t like taking the drugs. There’s some end-of-life issues, as well, that we’ll skip over with a mention that he has some get-away-closer behaviors with death; nothing pro-active, but he sort of passive-aggressively fights off death by bringing it closer through deliberate pig-headedness.

Like not taking his drugs. Reasoning with him doesn’t work, because he believes himself to be reasonable and is so scared that he can’t think about this matter. Negotiations, therefor, are useful for their ritualistic value, but not much more.

So, oh, my darling smart people, how does one encourage a smart, never-been-wise, independent, terrified man that it’s okay to believe that the ultimate horror - death without his mind intact - may be fightable? How does Ma get him to take his drugs?

My first thought was, “She can’t.” My second was, “Provide him a choice; ‘take your drugs or go through this alone, because I don’t want to live through you killing yourself passively.’”

So, I’ve considered defeatist inaction and Nuclear-War Theory Ultimatum. There is, I suspect, some middle ground.

Any thoughts?

Othello is down for a few days, very nice. The rescission statement finally arrived for me to sign, return, and have posted at the courthouse, and, with it, an idle notion: If I don’t file this, I automatically win custody of Othello Thursday.

Uhm.

‘Course, he still wants to live up there, so the issue is moot … sort of … except, then I would have sole discretionary power in deciding his issues, and I know that I listen to him, whereas I feel Zelda doesn’t. So, was born the thought, “What if I let my case default to a win, and let Othello continue to live with Zelda? He could then live where he wishes to live, and, if things became bad (as this last year) he & I could conspire to put him where he wishes without contest or discussion.”

Why, this is a beautiful notion. Zelda would still have him, and I wouldn’t need to ask for support from her, and so she would have everything she wants and be perfectly happy with the situation and Othello could control his own life and I could feel safer about his options and living conditions. We could all live happily, without strife, without loss, all of us –

Okay, let’s touch the ground, here. I’m talking about Zelda. Control is an issue. Hell, control is THE issue. That paper may mean more than the actuality of Othello living with her. The fight would be instant, fierce, and constant for the next 18 months.

But, would it truly give Othello more options than “screw this, I’m out of here”?

…Yeah….

I didn’t do it. I talked with Bridgette and Othello about it, but didn’t do it. I signed the paper and sent it off for posting at 10:00 this morning, FedEx (at $22.85 for a letter), and it will be registered at the courthouse tomorrow noonish.

*sigh* It was a lovely dream, where Othello could have some control over his life.

We did talk at length about some of the fights that are coming for Othello, and that they all revolve around freedom and control, but many of them start in fear and anger and hurt and me. And we made sure to touch on: His sister is there in a heartbeat to help him, and both Cinderella and I are ready to welcome him in at a hat’s drop, should it come to that.

Methhead is out, and so is his stuff.
Cinderella mobilized what Othello calls her Stoner Brigade, her pet boys, who will move the stars in their firmament, should she ask, and they moved his stuff out, took his keys, and he is gone.
He is not out of country; he blew off his flight and will be staying in the state someplace.
Zelda is in love with someone from her past, and is happy and distracted.

So. Methhead’s gone, his stuff is gone, Zelda has tranferred to her next person, and Othello would prefer that I not pursue further actions. I cannot get a restraining order; all I could do would be pursue custody and let him live in place, and we agree that would be unpleasant at best for everyone. Better he learn to stand up and tell Zelda things she does not wish to hear, and then act on his words. He agrees, and so we will end the suit.

I think this is a win. I guess.

Enjoy the holiday, my lovelies. I miss you–

Methhead is out of Zelda’s house. He is not leaving town. Cinderella’s is mobilizing a half-dozen of her boys to remove his stuff from Zelda’s garage at 10:30 this morning.

Which just leaves the question: “How can I believe that this isn’t just another fight, and that Methhead isn’t coming back?”

Zelda has been contacted by someone from the distant past, and she is smitten (she says to Cinderella). My experience is that it is unlikely that Zelda will accept Methhead back while being smitten. But that is speculation. Action on Zelda’ part would help me…I think if she swore out a restraining order against him for the violence, that would do it.

hm.

Y’know, I suspect that I could do the same thing. Swear out a restraning order keeping Methhead & Othello apart, and I could probably be satisfied. I’ll chat with my lawyer this morning, and see what she has to say. Since this business is clearly coming to an end, and the end will have Othello living in Corvallis without Methhead, I would just as soon have it finished quickly so I can return to worrying about more Mnarra-centric concerns.

Well. Off to the phones. It would seem that I have the power to move this along.

Today is the day that Methhead’s ticket claims he will be leaving for England. Here’s hope.

If he leaves on the plane, this whole mess is over (with the exception of whatever Zelda feels the need to do to me).

If he stays, things get even more complicated. Weird.

So, here’s hope.

Zelda called:

“He’s gone.”

Okay. No details. I got those from Cinderella. There was a fight, bruises, a cut, some handcuffs. Methhead left, Zelda called. Uhm.

He’s left before. She’s kicked him out before. They’ve fought before. How can I tell when it’s real?

I suggested to Cinderella that a police complaint is in order, if there is physical damage, and a restraining order. She says Zelda is convinced that the police complaint would do no good, and is unlikely to file the restraining order.

This leaves me analysing the situation like this:

Zelda is saying things.

Zelda is not taking any actions.

There is no difference in the situation; she has been saying things and taking no actions for a while.

[shrug]

That leaves me no where. I said I’d pull back when Methhead is gone. How can I tell he’s gone, and not just stepping out for a few days? This could be a problem. I had planned to believe he was gone when he boarded the plane, but now his stuff will not be taken care of for him, I suspect he will not be boarding.

Dunno. And I need to.

Dreck.